[from How I Met Your Mother]
Lily: Ted, if you murder me and bury me in New Jersey, I'll haunt you forever.
Ted: But if I murder you and bury you somewhere else?
Lily: Then I'll leave you alone. I'm sure you had your reasons.
[from How I Met Your Mother]
(after calling Robin, leaving a weird sound)
Barney: She wasn't there. I left a voice-mail.
Lily: You left a voice, but it wasn't male.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Funny Quotes of the Day #82
[from Bones]
Booth: Ok, if you can't see the guy's face, maybe you can clear up a reflection.
Zack: That's a workable idea.
Booth: Well, I'd say thanks, you know, if you didn't say it like it was some kind of a miracle.
[from The Office]
(Jim and Dwight are looking for a birthday theme)
Jim: Okay, so far our ideal party consists of: beer, fights to the death, cupcakes, blood pudding, blood, touch-football, mating, characids, and, yes, horse hunting.
Dwight: You are right. Forget horse hunting, it's stupid.
[from The Office]
(Dwight lights firecrackers in the smoky office)
Andy: Oh, my God, the fire's shooting at us!
Booth: Ok, if you can't see the guy's face, maybe you can clear up a reflection.
Zack: That's a workable idea.
Booth: Well, I'd say thanks, you know, if you didn't say it like it was some kind of a miracle.
[from The Office]
(Jim and Dwight are looking for a birthday theme)
Jim: Okay, so far our ideal party consists of: beer, fights to the death, cupcakes, blood pudding, blood, touch-football, mating, characids, and, yes, horse hunting.
Dwight: You are right. Forget horse hunting, it's stupid.
[from The Office]
(Dwight lights firecrackers in the smoky office)
Andy: Oh, my God, the fire's shooting at us!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Funny Quotes of the Day #81
[from How I Met Your Mother]
Ted: Almighty TiVo, we thank you for all the gifts you have given us. The power to freeze live TV to go take a leak is nothing short of godlike. Let's not forget fast forwarding through commercials. It seems greedy to ask anything more from you, oh Magic Box. But if you malfunction and miss the Superbowl, we will destroy you in the alley with baseball bats. Amen.
[from How I Met Your Mother]
Ted: Come on, you were only 16 when you had sex, I was 17...
Marshall: You were 18.
Ted: Barney was probably 12.
Barney: Good one Ted. I was six..ff..four..how old were you again?
Ted: 17.
Barney: Dude, me too!
Ted: Almighty TiVo, we thank you for all the gifts you have given us. The power to freeze live TV to go take a leak is nothing short of godlike. Let's not forget fast forwarding through commercials. It seems greedy to ask anything more from you, oh Magic Box. But if you malfunction and miss the Superbowl, we will destroy you in the alley with baseball bats. Amen.
[from How I Met Your Mother]
Ted: Come on, you were only 16 when you had sex, I was 17...
Marshall: You were 18.
Ted: Barney was probably 12.
Barney: Good one Ted. I was six..ff..four..how old were you again?
Ted: 17.
Barney: Dude, me too!
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Funny Quotes of the Day #80
[from How I Met Your Mother]
Ted: I had the most amazing night ever.
Marshall: Tell me about it! That cake. Best cake I ever had. Seriously, my stomach was like 'Hey bro, I don't know what you're eating cause I don't have any eyes but it's basically awesome so keep sending it down.'
[from How I Met Your Mother]
Marshall: For as much as we know about the cockamouse, there are still so much we don't know.
Robin: Well, we know that there's no such thing as a cockamouse. What we don't know is what you guys have been smoking.
[from How I Met Your Mother]
Marshall: No, it wasn't a cockroach, it had fur. And only mammals have fur.
Lily: It was a cockroach.
Marshall: Come on Lily, the only way it was a cockroach was if it was wearing the skin of a mouse it just killed.
Lily (horrified at the thought): Oh my god!
Ted: I had the most amazing night ever.
Marshall: Tell me about it! That cake. Best cake I ever had. Seriously, my stomach was like 'Hey bro, I don't know what you're eating cause I don't have any eyes but it's basically awesome so keep sending it down.'
[from How I Met Your Mother]
Marshall: For as much as we know about the cockamouse, there are still so much we don't know.
Robin: Well, we know that there's no such thing as a cockamouse. What we don't know is what you guys have been smoking.
[from How I Met Your Mother]
Marshall: No, it wasn't a cockroach, it had fur. And only mammals have fur.
Lily: It was a cockroach.
Marshall: Come on Lily, the only way it was a cockroach was if it was wearing the skin of a mouse it just killed.
Lily (horrified at the thought): Oh my god!
Monday, January 5, 2009
Funny quotes of the day #79
[from Stargate Atlantis]
Sheppard: So, he's made mistakes in the past. Who hasn't?
McKay: Why are you looking at me?!
[from Stargate Atlantis]
(after walking underwater to a Wraith hive ship in water suits)
Sheppard: That took too long.
McKay: Yeah, well, I probably won’t be able to disarm the self-destruct in time anyway, so we’re really not in a rush.
Sheppard: Why don’t we find it first, and then you can be negative.
[from Stargate Atlantis]
McKay: Can I please have someone else do these?
Weir: Performance evaluations?
McKay: Yes.
Weir: No, year end employee reviews are important. They help people get promotions and raises.
McKay: Look, asking me to do performance evaluations is ridiculous. I am the first to admit I don't know who these people are nor do I care to. Look, if you like, I could take you down the hall to the labs and just point to the people who annoy me more than the rest, but that's about as useful as I get.
Sheppard: So, he's made mistakes in the past. Who hasn't?
McKay: Why are you looking at me?!
[from Stargate Atlantis]
(after walking underwater to a Wraith hive ship in water suits)
Sheppard: That took too long.
McKay: Yeah, well, I probably won’t be able to disarm the self-destruct in time anyway, so we’re really not in a rush.
Sheppard: Why don’t we find it first, and then you can be negative.
[from Stargate Atlantis]
McKay: Can I please have someone else do these?
Weir: Performance evaluations?
McKay: Yes.
Weir: No, year end employee reviews are important. They help people get promotions and raises.
McKay: Look, asking me to do performance evaluations is ridiculous. I am the first to admit I don't know who these people are nor do I care to. Look, if you like, I could take you down the hall to the labs and just point to the people who annoy me more than the rest, but that's about as useful as I get.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Funny Quotes of the Day #78
[from Stargate Atlantis]
Beckett: He fainted.
McKay: Oh, there's gotta be a better word for it!
Beckett: 'Faint' is a proper medical term!
McKay: I passed out from...manly hunger!
[from Stargate Atlantis]
Sheppard: You seem nervous.
McKay: No, I'm part of this team. I'm doing this.
Sheppard: Yes, you are. I just said you seem nervous.
McKay: Oh, really? I thought you said 'Rodney, you don't have to do this.'
[from Stargate Atlantis]
McKay: Maybe we should offer a sense of humor in trade…
Sheppard: Sure… they can have yours.
McKay: (laughing) Ah, hahaha, oh, please my side… you slay me.
Sheppard: On second thought…
[from Stargate Atlantis]
Weir: The city can handle that?
McKay: Yes. Theoretically.
Sheppard: Like 'dinosaurs turned into birds' theoretically or theory of relativity theoretically?
McKay (looks confused): What? Um, somewhere between.
[from Stargate Atlantis]
McKay: (explaining why Sheppard has to take the farthest grounding station) I need to get done quickly so I can start working on the subroutines, and Elizabeth was complaining about her knee the other day so...
Sheppard: Wait, whoa, w-wait a second. Are these things even close to a transporter?
McKay: Uh, yes, Elizabeth's is.
Sheppard: And mine?
McKay: Uh, it's a brisk walk away.
Sheppard: And by 'brisk' you mean... far?
McKay: And, by 'walk' I mean 'run'.
Beckett: He fainted.
McKay: Oh, there's gotta be a better word for it!
Beckett: 'Faint' is a proper medical term!
McKay: I passed out from...manly hunger!
[from Stargate Atlantis]
Sheppard: You seem nervous.
McKay: No, I'm part of this team. I'm doing this.
Sheppard: Yes, you are. I just said you seem nervous.
McKay: Oh, really? I thought you said 'Rodney, you don't have to do this.'
[from Stargate Atlantis]
McKay: Maybe we should offer a sense of humor in trade…
Sheppard: Sure… they can have yours.
McKay: (laughing) Ah, hahaha, oh, please my side… you slay me.
Sheppard: On second thought…
[from Stargate Atlantis]
Weir: The city can handle that?
McKay: Yes. Theoretically.
Sheppard: Like 'dinosaurs turned into birds' theoretically or theory of relativity theoretically?
McKay (looks confused): What? Um, somewhere between.
[from Stargate Atlantis]
McKay: (explaining why Sheppard has to take the farthest grounding station) I need to get done quickly so I can start working on the subroutines, and Elizabeth was complaining about her knee the other day so...
Sheppard: Wait, whoa, w-wait a second. Are these things even close to a transporter?
McKay: Uh, yes, Elizabeth's is.
Sheppard: And mine?
McKay: Uh, it's a brisk walk away.
Sheppard: And by 'brisk' you mean... far?
McKay: And, by 'walk' I mean 'run'.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Funny Quotes of the Day #77
[from Pushing Daisies]
Olive: Okay, how do we go about this…this whole P.I. thing? Do we just jam the gun in the suspect's mouth and say, "Sing, canary, or I'm gonna decorate this wallpaper with your guts"?
Ned: Neither. Technically, I don't believe you can blow someone's guts out their mouth.
Olive: Wuss.
[from Pushing Daisies]
Chuck: Dwight might not have been the nicest man, but everybody deserves a burial with dignity.
Emerson: Fine, I got buttloads of dignity to sprinkle on the ground. Come on. Get holy.
Chuck: Thank you.
Emerson: Here lies Dwight. Here lies his gun. He was bad. Now he's done. Let's go
Olive: Okay, how do we go about this…this whole P.I. thing? Do we just jam the gun in the suspect's mouth and say, "Sing, canary, or I'm gonna decorate this wallpaper with your guts"?
Ned: Neither. Technically, I don't believe you can blow someone's guts out their mouth.
Olive: Wuss.
[from Pushing Daisies]
Chuck: Dwight might not have been the nicest man, but everybody deserves a burial with dignity.
Emerson: Fine, I got buttloads of dignity to sprinkle on the ground. Come on. Get holy.
Chuck: Thank you.
Emerson: Here lies Dwight. Here lies his gun. He was bad. Now he's done. Let's go
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