[from Community]
Abed: I have to make some adjustments to my film. Jeff, I think you should play the role of my father.
Jeff: I don't want to be your father.
Abed: Perfect. You already know your lines.
[from Community]
Jeff: Why do you have a monkey?
Troy: Uh, it's an animal that looks like a dude. Why don't I have ten of them?
[from Community]
Shirley: I've never been a captain before!
Pierce: I have! Commanded a jet-ski through an electrical storm. Only had one casualty.
Troy: Jet-skis only hold two people.
Pierce: Exactly. Saved half of my crew.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Funny quotes of the day #112
[from Community]
Professor Duncan: I thought you had a Bachelor's from Columbia.
Jeff: And now I have to get one from America. And it can't be an e-mail attachment.
[from Community]
Jeff: Look, we can still hang out. It's just... we won't bag on people.
Shirley: Come on, Jeff, what are we going to talk about? My kids? Your doctor career?
Jeff: I was a lawyer.
Shirley: See, I'm already bored.
[from Community]
Dean Pelton: Oh Mr. Winger, did you happen to hear my announcement?
Jeff: I hang on every word.
Dean Pelton: I'm going to assume that's sarcasm.
Jeff: Correct.
Dean Pelton: So you didn't hear my announcement?
Jeff: I'm barely listening now.
[from Community]
Shirley: Jeff, I have two boys. And when we have a serious discussion, I find that a brownie helps them relax. (hands Jeff a brownie) So! Why do you hate me and Jesus?
Jeff: I don't think my brownie's working.
Professor Duncan: I thought you had a Bachelor's from Columbia.
Jeff: And now I have to get one from America. And it can't be an e-mail attachment.
[from Community]
Jeff: Look, we can still hang out. It's just... we won't bag on people.
Shirley: Come on, Jeff, what are we going to talk about? My kids? Your doctor career?
Jeff: I was a lawyer.
Shirley: See, I'm already bored.
[from Community]
Dean Pelton: Oh Mr. Winger, did you happen to hear my announcement?
Jeff: I hang on every word.
Dean Pelton: I'm going to assume that's sarcasm.
Jeff: Correct.
Dean Pelton: So you didn't hear my announcement?
Jeff: I'm barely listening now.
[from Community]
Shirley: Jeff, I have two boys. And when we have a serious discussion, I find that a brownie helps them relax. (hands Jeff a brownie) So! Why do you hate me and Jesus?
Jeff: I don't think my brownie's working.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Funny quotes of the day #111
[from Psych]
Shawn: If I’m gonna die, you better be right behind me, or I’m gonna haunt your kitchen cabinets until the day you die.
[from Psych]
Juliet: (about their partnership) I'm sorry Shawn, but it's over.
Shawn: I understand. It was fun while it lasted.
Juliet: No it wasn't.
Shawn: We made a great team.
Juliet: No, we didn't. It was a disaster! Partners don't lie to one another, and partners don't run off mid-investigation, and partners do not go through my purse, find my phone and text photos of my dog to every guy in my address book with the caption, "This is you!"
[from Psych]
Juliet: I am itching to get back into the field even if that means babysitting Shawn.
Henry: You two are working the case together. No reason for anything to fall through the cracks.
(Shawn and Juliet walk away)
Shawn: Babysit? Really Jules, come on.
Juliet: Shawn, what have you done today?
Shawn: Let’s see. I watched some Phineas and Ferb, took a nap, had a snack…I’m a little tired.
Juliet: Exactly.
Shawn: I just want to beat Gus and Lassiter!
Juliet: And catch the killer?
Shawn: Yeah sure, if that's what it takes.
Shawn: If I’m gonna die, you better be right behind me, or I’m gonna haunt your kitchen cabinets until the day you die.
[from Psych]
Juliet: (about their partnership) I'm sorry Shawn, but it's over.
Shawn: I understand. It was fun while it lasted.
Juliet: No it wasn't.
Shawn: We made a great team.
Juliet: No, we didn't. It was a disaster! Partners don't lie to one another, and partners don't run off mid-investigation, and partners do not go through my purse, find my phone and text photos of my dog to every guy in my address book with the caption, "This is you!"
[from Psych]
Juliet: I am itching to get back into the field even if that means babysitting Shawn.
Henry: You two are working the case together. No reason for anything to fall through the cracks.
(Shawn and Juliet walk away)
Shawn: Babysit? Really Jules, come on.
Juliet: Shawn, what have you done today?
Shawn: Let’s see. I watched some Phineas and Ferb, took a nap, had a snack…I’m a little tired.
Juliet: Exactly.
Shawn: I just want to beat Gus and Lassiter!
Juliet: And catch the killer?
Shawn: Yeah sure, if that's what it takes.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Funny quotes of the day #110
[from Psych]
Shawn: Dude, if you had told me we were boarding a ferry to the Channel Islands to do environmental clean up, obviously I would have said no.
Gus: That’s exactly what I told you.
Shawn: And what did I say?
Gus: You said no.
Shawn: Then why am I here?
Gus: Because you’re easily distracted.
Shawn: What? When it comes to mental focus I’m sharper than…(Gus pulls out a snickers bar) Oooo thanks man. I was starved. When they say these things really satisfy, there are not lying. So packed with…(they hear a ferry horn) Ah man!
Gus: And done.
[from Psych]
Shawn: Come on, be a little spontaneous. Canada’s one of the top 50 countries in the world.
Gus: And how many countries are there?
Shawn: At least 50; maybe more!
[from Psych]
Shawn: I need to speak with you though. You and I, before you head off to Italy with Declan and get all caught up in the magic of Barcelona and the running of the bulls.
Juliet: You do know where Italy is, right Shawn?
Shawn: Dude, if you had told me we were boarding a ferry to the Channel Islands to do environmental clean up, obviously I would have said no.
Gus: That’s exactly what I told you.
Shawn: And what did I say?
Gus: You said no.
Shawn: Then why am I here?
Gus: Because you’re easily distracted.
Shawn: What? When it comes to mental focus I’m sharper than…(Gus pulls out a snickers bar) Oooo thanks man. I was starved. When they say these things really satisfy, there are not lying. So packed with…(they hear a ferry horn) Ah man!
Gus: And done.
[from Psych]
Shawn: Come on, be a little spontaneous. Canada’s one of the top 50 countries in the world.
Gus: And how many countries are there?
Shawn: At least 50; maybe more!
[from Psych]
Shawn: I need to speak with you though. You and I, before you head off to Italy with Declan and get all caught up in the magic of Barcelona and the running of the bulls.
Juliet: You do know where Italy is, right Shawn?
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Funny quotes of the day #109
[from Psych]
Henry: The truth, Shawn. You're not really my son, are you? Because I gave you a watch with the inscription, "Don't Lose", and what is the first thing that you do?
Shawn: I lose the watch.
Henry: You lose the watch!
Shawn: Well, here's a news flash Dad. My birthday wasn't yesterday, okay? It was...four months ago.
Henry: Yeah, well here's a news flash for you, kid. After you were born, it took you four months to smile at me. That's when the clock started ticking.
[from Still Standing]
Brian: Are we part indian? If we are, I can get a scholarship.
Judy: Well, your dad is a member of the slot club at the Indian casino.
Brian: Which, I'm guessing, is why I need a scholarship.
Henry: The truth, Shawn. You're not really my son, are you? Because I gave you a watch with the inscription, "Don't Lose", and what is the first thing that you do?
Shawn: I lose the watch.
Henry: You lose the watch!
Shawn: Well, here's a news flash Dad. My birthday wasn't yesterday, okay? It was...four months ago.
Henry: Yeah, well here's a news flash for you, kid. After you were born, it took you four months to smile at me. That's when the clock started ticking.
[from Still Standing]
Brian: Are we part indian? If we are, I can get a scholarship.
Judy: Well, your dad is a member of the slot club at the Indian casino.
Brian: Which, I'm guessing, is why I need a scholarship.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Funny quotes of the day #108
[from Psych]
Conforth: Listen, your program breaks down as follows: a third will be spent in the classroom, a third will involve field work, and a third will be focused on physical training.
Shawn: What about the other third?
Gus: Are you kidding?
Shawn: Nevermind. Surprise us.
[from Psych]
(Gus walks into the office.)
Shawn: Tried to make some joe, but our coffee maker's busted.
Gus: We don't have a coffee maker.
Shawn: What was I fiddling with for the last half hour?
(A couple minutes later, Gus holds up his burnt humidifier.)
Gus: My humidifier looks nothing like a coffee maker!
Shawn: I'll buy you a new one.
[from Psych]
Shawn: When you were annoyingly talking to Kim for the 9th time today, I was on the phone with Harvard who said there is no record of Declan going there.
Gus: So the guy lied on his resume. If that makes somebody a killer, then you're Ted Bundy.
[from Psych]
Gus: The thing is…I have something big to tell you.
Shawn: You know you can say anything to me, Gus! We've known each other forever, and there's absolutely nothing that could dent our impenetrable bond.
Gus: I have a secret girlfriend.
Shawn: You're dead to me.
Conforth: Listen, your program breaks down as follows: a third will be spent in the classroom, a third will involve field work, and a third will be focused on physical training.
Shawn: What about the other third?
Gus: Are you kidding?
Shawn: Nevermind. Surprise us.
[from Psych]
(Gus walks into the office.)
Shawn: Tried to make some joe, but our coffee maker's busted.
Gus: We don't have a coffee maker.
Shawn: What was I fiddling with for the last half hour?
(A couple minutes later, Gus holds up his burnt humidifier.)
Gus: My humidifier looks nothing like a coffee maker!
Shawn: I'll buy you a new one.
[from Psych]
Shawn: When you were annoyingly talking to Kim for the 9th time today, I was on the phone with Harvard who said there is no record of Declan going there.
Gus: So the guy lied on his resume. If that makes somebody a killer, then you're Ted Bundy.
[from Psych]
Gus: The thing is…I have something big to tell you.
Shawn: You know you can say anything to me, Gus! We've known each other forever, and there's absolutely nothing that could dent our impenetrable bond.
Gus: I have a secret girlfriend.
Shawn: You're dead to me.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Funny quotes of the day #107
[from Castle]
(at the cemetery)
Ryan: You know, if this were a horror movie, we'd be the first ones killed, splitting off like this.
Esposito: Yeah, except we're not a couple of top-heavy coeds out looking for fun. We're highly trained officers of the law with enough firepower to take out a horde of undead.
Ryan: Hispanic and cocky. Yeah, you definitely die first.
[from Glee]
Brittany: Mr. Schuester taught me the second half of the alphabet. I stopped after M and N. I felt they were too similar and got frustrated.
[from Glee)
Sue: (holds up a piece of broccoli) Do you know what this is?
Mercedes: A toilet brush.
Sue: It's broccoli. When I showed it to Brittany earlier, she began to whimper thinking I had cut down a small tree where a family of gummy bears lived.
(at the cemetery)
Ryan: You know, if this were a horror movie, we'd be the first ones killed, splitting off like this.
Esposito: Yeah, except we're not a couple of top-heavy coeds out looking for fun. We're highly trained officers of the law with enough firepower to take out a horde of undead.
Ryan: Hispanic and cocky. Yeah, you definitely die first.
[from Glee]
Brittany: Mr. Schuester taught me the second half of the alphabet. I stopped after M and N. I felt they were too similar and got frustrated.
[from Glee)
Sue: (holds up a piece of broccoli) Do you know what this is?
Mercedes: A toilet brush.
Sue: It's broccoli. When I showed it to Brittany earlier, she began to whimper thinking I had cut down a small tree where a family of gummy bears lived.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)