[from The Office]
Jim: I think it’s great that the company’s making a commercial because not very many people have heard of us. I mean when I tell people that I work at Dunder Mifflin , they think that we sell mufflers or muffins, or mittens and frankly, all of those sound better than paper so, I let it slide.
[from The Office]
[earlier, Michael hit Meredith with his car]
Jim: One day Michael came in complaining about a speed bump on the highway. I wonder who he ran over then.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Funny Quotes of the Day #58
[from Two Guys and a Girl]
[looking for a new tenant]
Sharon: I'm leaning towards Max Larson.
Berg: No way! He lives with his mother and drives a van with no windows.
Sharon: So? He likes his privacy.
Berg: Yes, because he's a serial killer!
[from Two Guys and a Girl]
Pete: No relationship could possibly end worse then this one.
Berg: I love a challenge.
[from Two Guys and a Girl]
Sharon: I’m on a juice diet, I’m cleansing my system.
Berg: Do you have any idea how many innocent carrots had to die for you to be regular?
[looking for a new tenant]
Sharon: I'm leaning towards Max Larson.
Berg: No way! He lives with his mother and drives a van with no windows.
Sharon: So? He likes his privacy.
Berg: Yes, because he's a serial killer!
[from Two Guys and a Girl]
Pete: No relationship could possibly end worse then this one.
Berg: I love a challenge.
[from Two Guys and a Girl]
Sharon: I’m on a juice diet, I’m cleansing my system.
Berg: Do you have any idea how many innocent carrots had to die for you to be regular?
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Funny Quotes of the Day #57
[from Two Guys and a Girl]
Berg: Babies love me.
Ashley: Well, why wouldn't they? You’re a boob.
[from Two Guys and a Girl]
Pete: We're playing the Bulls!
Berg: The Celtics are playing the Bulls. You...didn't make the team.
[from Two Guys and a Girl]
Pete: Where’s Ashley?
Berg: She went to bed.
Pete: Ah, I thought I heard a coffin close...
[from Two Guys and a Girl]
Sharon: What happened to your hand?
Berg: I was so upset about the whole thing with Nicole that I punched a mailbox causing me physical pain and a possible federal crime.
Sharon: That’s the best you could come up with?
Berg: It’s better than ‘I was so upset I wrapped my hand in this bandage.’
Berg: Babies love me.
Ashley: Well, why wouldn't they? You’re a boob.
[from Two Guys and a Girl]
Pete: We're playing the Bulls!
Berg: The Celtics are playing the Bulls. You...didn't make the team.
[from Two Guys and a Girl]
Pete: Where’s Ashley?
Berg: She went to bed.
Pete: Ah, I thought I heard a coffin close...
[from Two Guys and a Girl]
Sharon: What happened to your hand?
Berg: I was so upset about the whole thing with Nicole that I punched a mailbox causing me physical pain and a possible federal crime.
Sharon: That’s the best you could come up with?
Berg: It’s better than ‘I was so upset I wrapped my hand in this bandage.’
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Funny Quotes of the Day #56
[from Still Standing]
Denise: [to Bill and Judy] You two have kids?
Brian: They're married, and they have three kids that the state obviously should have taken away years ago.
[from Still Standing]
Lauren: My friends and I heard Brian and his friends having so much fun downstairs that we decided to join them. What's so weird about that?
Judy: That girls were having fun with Brian and his friends [to Brian] No offense!
Brian: Lots taken.
[from Still Standing]
Ted: [to Bill and Judy] Look, it's time we all take responsibility for this. We need to set a better example.
Judy: Absolutely.
Ted: We need to be better role models.
Judy: I couldn't agree more.
Ted: We need to stop drinking.
Bill: You need to go now.
Denise: [to Bill and Judy] You two have kids?
Brian: They're married, and they have three kids that the state obviously should have taken away years ago.
[from Still Standing]
Lauren: My friends and I heard Brian and his friends having so much fun downstairs that we decided to join them. What's so weird about that?
Judy: That girls were having fun with Brian and his friends [to Brian] No offense!
Brian: Lots taken.
[from Still Standing]
Ted: [to Bill and Judy] Look, it's time we all take responsibility for this. We need to set a better example.
Judy: Absolutely.
Ted: We need to be better role models.
Judy: I couldn't agree more.
Ted: We need to stop drinking.
Bill: You need to go now.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Funny Quotes of the Day #55
[from Pushing Daisies]
Emerson: Sounds like you're a narcoleptic.
Ned: I suffer from sudden and uncontrollable attacks of deep sleep?
Emerson: What's the other one?
Ned: Necrophiliac.
Emerson: Words that sound alike get mixed up in my head.
Olive: Me too. I used to think "masturbation" meant chewing your food. [awkward silence] I don't think that anymore.
[from Pushing Daisies]
Olive: What’s the poop?
Emerson: “The poop”?
Olive: Poop. Scoop. Skinny. The haps. The dillyo. The 411. P.I. lingo.
Emerson: Rhubarb.
Olive: What’s that mean?
Emerson: PI secret code for “Get me a damned slice of rhubarb.”
Emerson: Sounds like you're a narcoleptic.
Ned: I suffer from sudden and uncontrollable attacks of deep sleep?
Emerson: What's the other one?
Ned: Necrophiliac.
Emerson: Words that sound alike get mixed up in my head.
Olive: Me too. I used to think "masturbation" meant chewing your food. [awkward silence] I don't think that anymore.
[from Pushing Daisies]
Olive: What’s the poop?
Emerson: “The poop”?
Olive: Poop. Scoop. Skinny. The haps. The dillyo. The 411. P.I. lingo.
Emerson: Rhubarb.
Olive: What’s that mean?
Emerson: PI secret code for “Get me a damned slice of rhubarb.”
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Funny Quotes of the Day #54
[from Still Standing]
Bill: Miss Bodin—I can safely assume it is still Miss Bodin, can't I?
Miss Bodin: Mr. Miller—I can safely assume it's not Dr. Miller?
[from Still Standing]
Judy: [to Bill about Lauren] Pretend she's like the exerise bike in the garage and leave her alone.
[from Still Standing]
Bill: I can't believe I have to sit through 100 untalented kids to get to ours.
Bill: Miss Bodin—I can safely assume it is still Miss Bodin, can't I?
Miss Bodin: Mr. Miller—I can safely assume it's not Dr. Miller?
[from Still Standing]
Judy: [to Bill about Lauren] Pretend she's like the exerise bike in the garage and leave her alone.
[from Still Standing]
Bill: I can't believe I have to sit through 100 untalented kids to get to ours.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Funny Quotes of the Day #53
[from NCIS]
Kate: Oh, that's really smart, Tony.
Tony: Any guy could’ve done it.
Kate: Guy? Learn to shut up when you're ahead.
[from NCIS]
Kate: Thanks for waiting, guys.
Gibbs: Chain of custody, Kate. You had to stay with the boat.
Kate: I'm not stupid, Gibbs.
Gibbs: Never said you were.
Kate: I didn't have to ride in the tow truck with that boat, now did I? You do this to all the newbies, or just the females?
Tony: Do we look like sexists?
Kate: Ask me who's buried in Grant's tomb. It's a tougher question.
[from NCIS]
Tony: If you're coming down with something, don't sit next to me in the truck.
Kate: There's an upside to getting a cold?
[from Home Improvement]
Jill: I don't want to be a nagging wife.
Tim: Then how will I recognize you?
Kate: Oh, that's really smart, Tony.
Tony: Any guy could’ve done it.
Kate: Guy? Learn to shut up when you're ahead.
[from NCIS]
Kate: Thanks for waiting, guys.
Gibbs: Chain of custody, Kate. You had to stay with the boat.
Kate: I'm not stupid, Gibbs.
Gibbs: Never said you were.
Kate: I didn't have to ride in the tow truck with that boat, now did I? You do this to all the newbies, or just the females?
Tony: Do we look like sexists?
Kate: Ask me who's buried in Grant's tomb. It's a tougher question.
[from NCIS]
Tony: If you're coming down with something, don't sit next to me in the truck.
Kate: There's an upside to getting a cold?
[from Home Improvement]
Jill: I don't want to be a nagging wife.
Tim: Then how will I recognize you?
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