[from NCIS]
Ziva: Still think the Director is on one of your booty calls?
Tony: If there's a sock on the doorknob, you're knocking...
[from NCIS]
Abby: [to Jimmy] You chased a crazy guy with a gun! You're a studmuffin! You're an iron fist with a velvet glove... you're baby Gibbs!
[from NCIS]
Abby: One time I got my lip stuck in a vacuum cleaner display at the department store. I lost like a quart of saliva before my cousin pulled the plug. Still have nightmares about it. Can't be alone with a HEPA filter.
Palmer: How old were you?
Abby: Twenty-two. It was like Fat Tuesday or Arbor Day.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Funny Quotes of the Day #72
[from Spongebob Squarepants]
[after Squidward tells them he's Claustrophobic]
Patrick: What does Claustrophobic mean?
SpongeBob: It means you're afraid of Santa Claus.
Patrick: Ho Ho Ho!!!
SpongeBob: Stop it, Patrick. You're scaring him!
[from One Tree Hill]
Mia [to Peyton]: So am I allowed to ask what's going on with you and Lucas? Or is that like saying 'Voldemort'?
[after Squidward tells them he's Claustrophobic]
Patrick: What does Claustrophobic mean?
SpongeBob: It means you're afraid of Santa Claus.
Patrick: Ho Ho Ho!!!
SpongeBob: Stop it, Patrick. You're scaring him!
[from One Tree Hill]
Mia [to Peyton]: So am I allowed to ask what's going on with you and Lucas? Or is that like saying 'Voldemort'?
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Funny Quotes of the Day #71
[from the Bill Engvall Show]
Bill: You are not getting your belly button pierced, young lady.
Lauren: Why? How is a naval piercing any different than an ear piercing?
Bill: Because when you wear earrings, boys look up here. [Bill points to his head]
[from the Bill Engvall Show]
Susan: You three, grounded.
Lauren: What?
Susan: Up to your rooms, no TV, no cell phone, no iPod, no videogames.
Trent: What are we supposed to do?
Susan: Read!
Trent: No, seriously?
Bill: You are not getting your belly button pierced, young lady.
Lauren: Why? How is a naval piercing any different than an ear piercing?
Bill: Because when you wear earrings, boys look up here. [Bill points to his head]
[from the Bill Engvall Show]
Susan: You three, grounded.
Lauren: What?
Susan: Up to your rooms, no TV, no cell phone, no iPod, no videogames.
Trent: What are we supposed to do?
Susan: Read!
Trent: No, seriously?
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Funny Quotes of the Day #70
[from George Lopez]
[George is talking to Angie over the phone]
George: I'm in jail.
Angie: YOU'RE IN JAIL?!
Carmen: Dad's in jail?
Max: Wow, he finally killed Grandma. [to Carmen] You're next.
[from George Lopez]
[George gets released after an afternoon in jail]
Angie: So how was it?
George: Well, the food sucked, nobody would talk to me, and I was afraid to go to sleep... so it was a little better than my childhood.
[from George Lopez]
Carmen: So what if I get a scholarship from Harvard? Can I accept that?
Angie: No! You'll have to raise Max because your father and I will have died from shock!!
[from George Lopez]
Benny: I took you to Disneyland once but you were too young to enjoy it.
George: Why don't I remember it?
Benny: Because I hadn't had you yet.
[George is talking to Angie over the phone]
George: I'm in jail.
Angie: YOU'RE IN JAIL?!
Carmen: Dad's in jail?
Max: Wow, he finally killed Grandma. [to Carmen] You're next.
[from George Lopez]
[George gets released after an afternoon in jail]
Angie: So how was it?
George: Well, the food sucked, nobody would talk to me, and I was afraid to go to sleep... so it was a little better than my childhood.
[from George Lopez]
Carmen: So what if I get a scholarship from Harvard? Can I accept that?
Angie: No! You'll have to raise Max because your father and I will have died from shock!!
[from George Lopez]
Benny: I took you to Disneyland once but you were too young to enjoy it.
George: Why don't I remember it?
Benny: Because I hadn't had you yet.
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