Sunday, November 13, 2011

Funny quotes of the day #117

[from New Girl]
Schmidt
: I'll be like your guide.
Jess: Like Gandalf through Middle Earth?
Schmidt: Probably not like...okay, first of all, lets just, lets take the Lord of the Rings references, lets put them in a deep dark cave. Okay? Where no one's going to find them. Ever.
Jess: Except Smeagol. (whispering) He lives in a cave.

[from New Girl]
Schmidt: (on why he wants to see Nick's penis) What if Nick gets into an accident? What if he's horribly disfigured, and I have to identify him, and all that remains are his private parts? And I'm standing there, and I'm saying, "Sorry Officer, I can't help you, because no, I haven't seen his penis." And then, boom, he's buried in an unmarked grave.

[from New Girl]
Jess: Something's happened. It was totally an accident. Not a big deal. I just want to do the mature thing and come clean about it. But, um, I accidentally saw Nick's pee-pee.
Schmidt: What?
Winston: What did she say?
Jess: I accidentally saw Nick's pee-pee and bubbles.

[from New Girl]
Schmidt: (about his date) Nick, you're gonna be fine. Don't worry about it. Just, you know, suck in the gut.
Nick: What gut?
Jess: The little pooch where you keep your extra cookies.