[from How I Met Your Mother]
Barney: Guess who just got four tickets to the "Origins of Chewbacca" Star Wars exhibit?
Lily: Why?
Barney: No, I said, "Guess who?"
Lily: I heard you.
[from How I Met Your Mother]
Barney: How do you keep a girl from becoming your girlfriend? Simple! The rules for girls are the same as the rules for gremlins.
Ted: Gremlins?
Barney: Gremlins. Rule number one: Never get them wet. In other words, don’t let her take a shower at your place. Number two: Keep them away from sunlight, i.e. don't ever see them during the day. And rule number three: Never feed them after midnight. Meaning she doesn't sleep over, and you don’t have breakfast with her. Ever.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Funny Quotes of the Day #89
[from Wizards of Waverly Place]
Harper: (about Justin dating Miranda) It's so totally obvious that he's dating her because she looks like me!
Alex: Yeah, you both have...faces.
[from Wizards of Waverly Place]
(About Justin)
Harper: He's so cute. I never know what to say to him.
Alex: Just talk about current events. He loves current events.
Justin: Hey guys.
Harper: Alex failed her Spanish mid-term!
Alex: Not that current!
[from Wizards of Waverly Place]
Theresa: Don't worry, I'm gonna help you with your espanol.
Alex: That's fine, but I really need help with my Spanish, too.
Theresa: Espanol is Spanish.
Alex: Espanol's Spanish for what?
Harper: (about Justin dating Miranda) It's so totally obvious that he's dating her because she looks like me!
Alex: Yeah, you both have...faces.
[from Wizards of Waverly Place]
(About Justin)
Harper: He's so cute. I never know what to say to him.
Alex: Just talk about current events. He loves current events.
Justin: Hey guys.
Harper: Alex failed her Spanish mid-term!
Alex: Not that current!
[from Wizards of Waverly Place]
Theresa: Don't worry, I'm gonna help you with your espanol.
Alex: That's fine, but I really need help with my Spanish, too.
Theresa: Espanol is Spanish.
Alex: Espanol's Spanish for what?
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Funny Quotes of the Day #88
[from The Office]
Michael: So, what kind of ice cream do you want? Yell it out!
Meredith: Chunky Monkey.
Michael: Too expensive.
Stanley: Chocolate.
Michael: Racism is dead, Stanley, you can have any kind of ice cream you want!
[from The Office]
Pam: And one time I walked in on [Michael] naked... and his thing is so small—
Kevin: How small is it?
Pam: If it were an iPod, it would be a Shuffle!
[from The Office]
David: Can you tell me why you had to cut the face off the dummy?
Dwight: I didn't think it was very realistic in the movie. And it turns out, it's pretty realistic.
David: We had to pay for it—cost us thirty-five hundred dollars.
Michael: Five thousand, three hundred dollars for a dummy?
Michael: So, what kind of ice cream do you want? Yell it out!
Meredith: Chunky Monkey.
Michael: Too expensive.
Stanley: Chocolate.
Michael: Racism is dead, Stanley, you can have any kind of ice cream you want!
[from The Office]
Pam: And one time I walked in on [Michael] naked... and his thing is so small—
Kevin: How small is it?
Pam: If it were an iPod, it would be a Shuffle!
[from The Office]
David: Can you tell me why you had to cut the face off the dummy?
Dwight: I didn't think it was very realistic in the movie. And it turns out, it's pretty realistic.
David: We had to pay for it—cost us thirty-five hundred dollars.
Michael: Five thousand, three hundred dollars for a dummy?
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Funny Quotes of the Day #87
[from NCIS]
Ziva: I feel like I know him from somewhere.
Tony: Mossad?
Ziva: Maybe.
Tony: Online dating service?
Ziva: (grabs a paperclip) I will kill you 18 different ways with this paperclip.
[from NCIS]
Abby: I found this, in his left trouser pocket. It's organic.
Gibbs: Illegal?
Abby: We could smoke it and find out.
[from NCIS]
McGee: The blood starts at the ping-pong table.
Tony: Beer pong.
McGee: Huh?
Tony: Oh, this is tragic. Don't tell me you never played beer pong before, Probie.
McGee: Nope, never.
Tony: What did you do at MIT?
McGee: Studied.
Tony: That figures.
Ziva: I feel like I know him from somewhere.
Tony: Mossad?
Ziva: Maybe.
Tony: Online dating service?
Ziva: (grabs a paperclip) I will kill you 18 different ways with this paperclip.
[from NCIS]
Abby: I found this, in his left trouser pocket. It's organic.
Gibbs: Illegal?
Abby: We could smoke it and find out.
[from NCIS]
McGee: The blood starts at the ping-pong table.
Tony: Beer pong.
McGee: Huh?
Tony: Oh, this is tragic. Don't tell me you never played beer pong before, Probie.
McGee: Nope, never.
Tony: What did you do at MIT?
McGee: Studied.
Tony: That figures.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Funny Quotes of the Day #86
[from Castle]
(Castle is getting ready to make the drop-off)
Beckett: Be careful, okay?
Castle: Do I detect actual concern for my well-being?
Beckett: Screw this up, and I'll kill you.
Castle: That's more like it.
[from The Office]
Michael: Accounting, I am 'accounting' on you to have lunch with me.
[from The Office]
Michael: Dwight, let me make something clear to you. I set the rules, and you follow them—blindly.
[from The Office]
Creed: I wanna set you up with my daughter.
Jim: Oh, I'm engaged to Pam.
Creed: I thought you were gay.
Jim: Then why would you want to set me up with your daughter?
Creed: I don't know.
(Castle is getting ready to make the drop-off)
Beckett: Be careful, okay?
Castle: Do I detect actual concern for my well-being?
Beckett: Screw this up, and I'll kill you.
Castle: That's more like it.
[from The Office]
Michael: Accounting, I am 'accounting' on you to have lunch with me.
[from The Office]
Michael: Dwight, let me make something clear to you. I set the rules, and you follow them—blindly.
[from The Office]
Creed: I wanna set you up with my daughter.
Jim: Oh, I'm engaged to Pam.
Creed: I thought you were gay.
Jim: Then why would you want to set me up with your daughter?
Creed: I don't know.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Funny Quotes of the Day #85
[from Home Improvement]
Jill: Sweetie, why don't you just tell me what's wrong?
Mark: Nothing's wrong! And don't call me sweetie.
Jill: But I always call you sweetie.
Mark: That's because you wanted me to be a girl.
Jill: Who told you that?
Mark: Brad and Randy.
Jill: Well, they're grounded for a week.
[from Home Improvement]
Al: I thought you said you wouldn't talk about your personal life on the show.
Tim: Well, does this mean anything to you? (shows him crossed fingers)
Al: How would you feel if I talked about my personal life on the show?
Tim: When you get one, you can!
[from Home Improvement]
Tim: Having a baby is a big deal. It's up there with putting in a new sprinkler system.
Jill: Sweetie, why don't you just tell me what's wrong?
Mark: Nothing's wrong! And don't call me sweetie.
Jill: But I always call you sweetie.
Mark: That's because you wanted me to be a girl.
Jill: Who told you that?
Mark: Brad and Randy.
Jill: Well, they're grounded for a week.
[from Home Improvement]
Al: I thought you said you wouldn't talk about your personal life on the show.
Tim: Well, does this mean anything to you? (shows him crossed fingers)
Al: How would you feel if I talked about my personal life on the show?
Tim: When you get one, you can!
[from Home Improvement]
Tim: Having a baby is a big deal. It's up there with putting in a new sprinkler system.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Funny Quotes of the Day #84
[from Castle]
Castle: So. Looks like I managed to make it through the case without getting injured, shot or killed.
Kate: Yeah, well, maybe tomorrow.
[from Castle]
Alexis: How come we never had a nanny?
Castle: Well, your mother and I decided if someone was going to screw you up, we wanted it to be me.
Castle: So. Looks like I managed to make it through the case without getting injured, shot or killed.
Kate: Yeah, well, maybe tomorrow.
[from Castle]
Alexis: How come we never had a nanny?
Castle: Well, your mother and I decided if someone was going to screw you up, we wanted it to be me.
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