Funny Quotes of the Day #64

[from Still Standing]
Bill: Why did I marry for looks instead of money?
Judy: Why did I marry for neither?

[from Still Standing]
[Linda takes off her coat to reveal a low-cut dress]
Judy: Hey, what's with the get-up?
Linda: I just dropped Perry off at the airport. He had to go back to Reno.
Judy: And you wanted him to be able to see your boobs from there?

[from Still Standing]
Bill: [on karaoke] You don't want [Judy] singing any more than I do. She's terrible. When she sings, angels die.

Funny Quotes of the Day #63

[from Supernatural]
[Sam and Dean are in jail]
Henrickson: I mean, after all, seeing you two in chains...
Dean: You kinky son of a bitch, we don't swing that way.

[from Supernatural]
Henrickson: So, turns out demons are real.
Dean: F.Y.I.--ghosts are real, too. So are werewolves, vampires, changelings, evil clowns that eat people.
Henrickson: Okay, then.
Dean: If it makes you feel better, Bigfoot's a hoax.
Henrickson: It doesn't.

[from Supernatural]
[Nancy and the deputy are in hiding during the battle]
Nancy: When this is over, I'm gonna have so much sex [looks at him] but not with you.

Funny Quotes of the Day #62

[from Home Improvement]
Jill: I thought you said it was a technical problem!
Tim: Technically...I was the problem.

[from Home Improvement]
Jill: I found a piece of broccoli in Randy's dirty's clothes.
Tim: Hmm, either he's hiding it or he's not digesting it properly...

[from Home Improvement]
Jill: You're the transgressor.
Tim: I never wear your clothes!

[from Reba]
Reba: People suffer Cheyenne.
[Jake walks by in the living room, trying to get by without being noticed, but his tap shoes, make alot of noise]
Reba: Some of us more than others.

[from Reba]
Barbara Jean [to Reba, asking about the tape she made]: Oh, you didn't say anything bad about me, did you?
Reba: THAT'S what I forgot!

Funny Quotes of the Day #61

[from Home Improvement]
[after talking to Brad about marijuana]
Jill: Do you remember when the biggest problem we had with Brad was toilet training?
Tim: Well it makes sense. We couldn’t get him on the pot and now we’re trying to get him off the pot.

[from Home Improvement]
Jill: Tim, we talked about it and I agreed you were right.
Tim: Yeah, and another...did she just say I was right?
Randy: Well, she didn't use your name specifically.
Tim: It doesn't matter. This is huge!

Funny Quotes of the Day #60

[from Supernatural]
Dean: I hate witches. They're all spewing their body liquids everywhere. It's creepy. Hell, it's downright unsanitary!

[from Home Improvement]
Brad: I hate math. I'd rather hit myself in the head with a hammer.
Tim: Don't be so sure, it really hurts.

[from Home Improvement]
Jill: Al wouldn't date for money.
Tim: He'd date for an onion ring.