Funny Quotes of the Day #3

[from Two Guys and a Girl]
[sitting on the couch watching TV]
Pete: This game sucks. Where’s the remote?
Berg: I don’t know, where’d you put it?
Pete: I think Sharon’s sitting on it.
Sharon: No, I’m not.
Berg: Well, are you sure?
Sharon: Yeah, I think I’d feel it.
Pete: Sharon, I left it right where you’re sitting. Come on, get up, get up.
Berg: Come on, let’s go!
Sharon: [standing up] All right, all right, all right! [points to an empty seat] See!
Berg: Listen, while you’re up, could you get us a couple more beers?

[from Home Improvement]
Jill: [about mice] They're dirty, they carry disease, they eat garbage...
Tim: So do the boys, you're not afraid of them.

[from NCIS]
[Tony tries to take some food but Ziva slaps his hand]
Ziva: We're not here to eat. We're here to protect the Director.
Tony: Ziva, this is probably the most secure building in the whole country right now...CIA, DSS, ATF, FBI...the whole alphabet's here!