Funny quotes of the day #107

[from Castle]
(at the cemetery)
Ryan: You know, if this were a horror movie, we'd be the first ones killed, splitting off like this.
Esposito: Yeah, except we're not a couple of top-heavy coeds out looking for fun. We're highly trained officers of the law with enough firepower to take out a horde of undead.
Ryan: Hispanic and cocky. Yeah, you definitely die first.

[from Glee]
Brittany: Mr. Schuester taught me the second half of the alphabet. I stopped after M and N. I felt they were too similar and got frustrated.

[from Glee)
Sue: (holds up a piece of broccoli) Do you know what this is?
Mercedes: A toilet brush.
Sue: It's broccoli. When I showed it to Brittany earlier, she began to whimper thinking I had cut down a small tree where a family of gummy bears lived.

Funny quotes of the day #106

[from Psych]
Shawn: There is no way that I'm showing you what's in this folder.
Henry: You're lucky I'm even asking you, Shawn. I could do this the simple way. I could grab it from you, clean up any evidence of a struggle before you and your little friend here knew what hit ya.
Shawn: Some states, that's called child abuse.
Gus: I think all of them.

[from Psych]
Gus: You can't re-review something, Shawn, it's redundant. Like re-repeat or re-reflect.
Shawn: You can if you've already peated and flected twice.

[from Psych]
(after Lassiter pulls his gun on a barking Rottweiler)
Shawn: Who are you, Michael Vick?
Lassiter: I'm not going to shoot him. He doesn't know that.
Shawn: He doesn't know anything. He's a dog.

Funny quotes of the day #105

[from The Office]
Michael: Excuse me, everyone. SEX!! Now that I have your attention—
Stanley: You don't have our attention.
Michael: Money!
Stanley: I'm listening.
Kevin: You had me at sex.

[from The Office]
Jim: I am on the first hot sales streak of my life. I think it all comes from feeding Ceci because, no matter how much she resists, I sell her those carrots. And let's be honest if I can make mushed carrots seem better than a boob... I can pretty much sell anything.

[from Hawaii Five-0]
Steve: Take off the tie, no one on a cruise ship wears a tie.
Danny: Oh, yes they do, so when they get bored they can kill themselves.
Steve: Okay, well put it in your pocket and you can kill yourself later.

[from Hawaii Five-0]
Steve: Listen I'm gonna have my phone on me, but don't call me, I'll call you.
Kono: Bet you've used that line before. (Leaves)
Steve; I'll initiate contact once I'm in a secure location.
Chin: That one too.

Funny quotes of the day #104

[from Psych]

Lassiter: What do you two know about street racing anyway?

Shawn: Only what we learned from The Fast and The Furious. So... everything.

[from Psych]

(Shawn just raced Tommy using his dad’s truck and came close to winning)

Tommy: Wow! That’s some of the craziest stuff I’ve seen in a long time.

Shawn: Woooo!

Tommy: You know, you two got a lot of balls.

Shawn: Four, actually. And a phantom one that I call Rigby.

[from Psych]

(everyone in the police station is laughing at Shawn and Gus as they walk by because they believed a man about an alien abduction)

Shawn: You know what Gus, I really don’t appreciate being snickered at. Never again are we investigating something related to one of our childhood obsessions.

Gus: What if there’s a pop rocks murder?

Shawn: That is the exception.

Funny quotes of the day #103

[from Psych]
Gus: How did you find me Shawn?
Shawn: I installed GPS parental controls on your phone.
Gus: Is that why it keeps beeping?
Shawn: It also tells me if you use your credit card to buy condoms, liquor, or glue.

[from Psych]
Shawn: Also, I put my favorite piece of art back on the wall.
Gus: It's not art, Shawn. It's a picture of a hot blonde laying on a Corvette that says "Haulin' Ass."
Shawn: If it's not art, why did I insure it for half a million dollars?
Gus: That's because you're an idiot.

Funny quotes of the day #102

[from Psych]
Mr. Waring: Do you understand about honor, Mr. Spencer?
Shawn: Of course I do, I have a bootleg copy of Saving Private Ryan at home.

[from Psych]
Gus: Do you think it could be PTSD?
Shawn: I think it's slightly more serious than a mere menstrual issue.

[from Psych]
Major General Felts: I assume you realize this kind of idiocy will not be tolerated on my base!
Shawn: Is there another type of idiocy you would be more comfortable with?

Funny quotes of the day #101

[from Psych]
Gus: Look at this class. You're all a bunch of dudes!
Student: Umm, we're girls.
Shawn: That's awkward.

[from Psych]
(Shawn writing the symbol of the restaurant of Gus's hand)
Gus: Antonio's
Shawn: Sweet!
Gus: Why did you write on my hand?
Shawn: Why would I write it on my own hand? This thing is totally permanent.

[from Psych]
Henry: 6:00 am, sharp.
Shawn: No, it's too early.
Gus: How about 9:00?
Henry: 9:00 is a little late.
Shawn: C'mon, guys, let's be reasonable. Just split the difference, okay? Call it 11:15.
Henry: 6:00 it is.

Funny quotes of the day #100

Happy 100th Funny Quotes of the Day! :)


[from Psych]
Thrift Store Guy: I've gone to jail for less than you.
Gus: Jail's no fun. I'll tell you that much.
Thrift Store Guy: Oh, you've been?
Gus: Once. In Monopoly.

[from Psych]
Shawn: Good morning detectives…collecting donations for the policeman's ball?
Lassiter: We don't have balls.
Shawn: I honestly have no response to that.

[from Psych]
Shawn: Dad I'm confused, these are plans for a wet bar.
Henry: Yeah, that's right, for entertaining.
Shawn: Right, but I don't see anywhere in the plans, the portal into 1976.

[from Psych]
Chief: We will meet at the Home Depot tomorrow.
Agent Ewing: Let's say 0700 hours.
Shawn: 700 hours is almost 20 days. Shouldn't we act sooner?